Christmas Gifts for the NHL’s Eastern Conference

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‘Tis the holiday season! Time to celebrate with friends and family, spreading the gift of Christmas cheer!  So with that in mind, lets settle back with a festive beverage and take a look at what Santa Gritty has left under the tree for each NHL franchise.

Boston Bruins

Operation: A traditional game for one of the Original Six. This would be a fun and interactive way for teammates to understand the litany of injuries they’ve endured this season. At least until Brad Marchand keeps intentionally touch the sides and ruins everything…

Buffalo Sabres

A Trailer: With so many people jumping on the Sabres bandwagon they may need some extra room. Just please, keep Bills Mafia away…

Carolina Hurricanes

A Choreographer: Much to the chagrin of the old guard, the Canes have dared to have, *gasp* FUN (the nerve!) with their victory celebrations at home. The fans love it, so at this point, may as well go all in!

Columbus Blue Jackets

A Magic 8 Ball: GM Jarmo Kekalainen can seek its advice on upcoming free agents Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky so when negotiations inevitably go sideways, at least he’ll have a scapegoat.

Detroit Red Wings

Old School “We’re Going Streaking!” T-Shirts: After an incredible, almost mind boggling, 25 straight seasons with a playoff appearance, and 4 Stanley Cups, the Wings have missed the past two years and likely will again this season, perhaps even the next few in a very difficult Atlantic division. At least they can have a sense of humour about it…

Florida Panthers

A French English Dictionary: I’m not suggesting they’ll move to Quebec City soon, I’m just saying it’s always best to be prepared…

Montreal Canadiens

Elf on the Shelf: Tatar Guy Edition: Christmas came early in Montreal. I’m not saying he’s the reason the Habs are having a decent season, I’m just saying he’s the gift we all needed and you can’t prove he hasn’t helped…

New Jersey Devils

Vintage Red/Green Jerseys: Look, if you’re gonna struggle, you may as well look festive.

New York Islanders

How The Grinch Stole Christmas: The tale of a surly individual, looking down from above, surrounded by a bunch of people, predominantly without facial hair, whose been around for like 50 years…

New York Rangers

For Sale Sign: If nothing else in professional sports is true, it that there’s no sense being stuck in the middle. With the departure of many veterans over the last year, the Rangers may as well embrace the rebuild as the future looks promising.

Ottawa Senators

Coping With Loss: With free agency yet again looming large (Stone, Duchene) and Ebeneezer Eugene still at the helm, we’ll get them a new copy to replace the perpetually tear stained one tucked away beside a tape of the 2003 Eastern Conference Finals…

Philadelphia Flyers

Goalie Shaped Pink Slips: For decades they’ve either needed a true number one goalie, or fired coaches/management for failing to get one. (Or you know, got rid of the wrong one, see: Goalie, Bob) Outgoing GM Ron Hextall (their last great goalie) would no doubt see the humour in this…

Pittsburgh Penguins

A Top Line Winger: This may be a gift for the rest of us as much as Sidney Crosby. He got Chris Kunitz a gold medal, dragged names like Rust, Sheary, Honquvist and Guentzel along, never once complaining. Can we please, for once, let him play with a big name winger?

Tampa Bay Lightning

A Stasis Chamber: They have the best record in the league. A balanced lineup. They’re getting healthy. Many have picked them as the Stanley Cup favourite. Nobody. Touch. Anything…

Toronto Maple Leafs

Structure Gift Card: Hip enough for their young roster, they can get a nice couch or accent piece for the player’s lounge, all the while finally having something that resembles structure…

Washington Capitals

A Photo Album: After a summer full of legendary parties with the Stanley Cup, the champs deserve to have these memories, (if they can recall any of them…) commemorated.



Written by Brodie Cotnam and republished with permission from The 4th Line Podcast

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